What does it actually mean to be together? It isn’t always about being in the same room. The last few years have made that clear enough. Real togetherness sits underneath all of that. A shared heart, shared values, lives quietly woven into one another.
Our journeys are interwoven whether we notice it or not. We need each other. We were made to be together, and recognising that is part of what sustains us, grows us, and gives us hope.
So how do we get better at it?
What it actually looks like
Romans 12 lays out a kind of practical guide. Genuine love. Honour. Hospitality. Patience. Rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep. Refusing to repay evil with evil.
“Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.” (Romans 12:16)
The list is long, but the heart of it is simple: my gain shouldn’t depend on your loss.
A lesson from Trolls
In the 2016 film Trolls, there’s a species called the Bergens who are convinced the only way to be happy is to eat a Troll and absorb their happiness. (Yes, really. Stay with me.)
It’s actually not a bad picture of how some people operate online, which is exactly why we use the word “trolling” the way we do. The Bergens believe happiness is a finite resource, and the only way to get any is to take it from someone else.
Without spoiling the whole film, what they eventually discover is that happiness was already inside them. They didn’t need to take anyone else’s. They just needed help finding their own.
That’s not a bad theology either.
The vineyard workers
The other thing that gets in the way of togetherness is jealousy. Jesus tells a story about it in Matthew 20 that still stings.
A landowner hires workers at the start of the day and agrees a fair wage. Throughout the day, he keeps going back to the marketplace and hiring more. The last group only work for an hour. At the end of the day, he pays everyone the same.
The first group are furious.
“Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius?” (Matthew 20:13)
They got exactly what they were promised. What they couldn’t bear was that someone else got the same. That’s jealousy in its purest form. Not “I don’t have enough”, but “they shouldn’t have that much”.
What actually helps
This stuff doesn’t disappear on its own, but it does respond to attention. A few things that genuinely help:
- Notice what you already have. Gratitude isn’t a posture, it’s a practice. Naming the good in your life makes the comparison reflex weaker.
- Build something of your own. Set small goals, hit them, celebrate them. Confidence in your own path makes someone else’s path feel less threatening.
- Try empathy where you’d usually reach for envy. Everyone is fighting battles you can’t see. Most of the people we envy are carrying things we’d hate to swap into.
These feelings will still come. They’re human. The question is whether you let them sit and grow, or whether you do the work of moving through them.
Closing thought
Nelson Mandela’s idea, often quoted, was a simple one. If we genuinely cared for others, in our personal lives and in our communities, we’d be a long way further down the road to the world we keep saying we want.
We were designed to be together. The work of staying together, of choosing each other over and over, is the work of being human.
Someone else’s blessing does not reduce yours.
So who have you been quietly measuring yourself against, and what would change if you cheered them on instead?